Thursday night I came home from work exhausted, with a sore throat, and an astonishing 103 degree fever. Friday morning I went to the doctor only to find out a had contracted the dreaded strep throat. Needless to say, I have had countless hours to sit and think at home while Mike has been at school. On Friday (while enjoying my favorite raspberry sorbet by Haagan Daas), I was watching Dr. Phil as he asked parents a very interesting question---"What makes a good parent?". Mike and I have always felt really blessed to have great parents, and in turn, great in-laws. No matter where we have been in our life, our families, and most importantly, our parents, have always been by our side. Dr. Phil's episode got us thinking about a few skill sets we think "good parents" have and that we would like to continue when we become parents.
1. Good parents are patient
Patience. The quality that most kids hate to be asked to display and most adults can never seem to master. The best example I have of this would be found when I grocery shop. Down the many rows of tempting goodies can be found screaming children and their weary parents (mostly mothers). Sure enough, after about 10 minutes of screaming - the child's parent finally snaps. "Don't touch that!" "No we are not buying that!" "I am going to give you a spanking!"...on and on goes the yelling. Some parents who are tested in this manner every day go to the extreme. For example, on Dr. Phil a mother of 3 boys, in an effort to get her children to stop fighting with each other, grabbed each of her sons by the ear to the kitchen and continued their punishment by pouring a bottle of hot sauce down their throats until they could no longer talk. WOW. Patience, then, is a very important attribute to focus on. I am sure there were many times when I drove my parents absolutely crazy. I think of the countless times I tried to sneak a treat in the grocery cart or the number of times I would kick the back of the driver's chair in the car because I was bored of the long drives. I honestly, though, cannot recall a time when my parents screamed at me. My parents were good about talking- a skill I learned they developed in the early years of their marriage. Whenever my brother and I did something, they would pull us aside and talk to us about it. My parent's patience allowed for us to learn from our mistakes and to talk together- talking together is an extremely important part of our family dynamic today.
2. Good parents engage their children in activities
My mom always told me that "busy is good". I didn't understand what she meant until I finished college. When I was younger, my parents supported me through countless hours of piano lessons and basketball games. In high school, I joined the rowing team and my parents supported me by becoming a member of the parent rowing association. They hosted team dinner events at our house and even volunteered to travel all the way to Georgia to be host parents on my team's bus. This dedication continued throughout my college years as I traveled around the country with the University of Tulsa women's rowing team. Now, my brother plays trumpet at his high school. It didn't dawn on me the amount of commitment a parent has until I got to go to my brother's last band performance in San Antonio, TX a few weeks ago. Band performances, as I found out, run really late. In fact, the majority of them (if you happen to be on a good team and make it to the finals) run until about 1 AM in the morning. My father and mother went to almost all of my brother's competitions- including all of the home football games. Not mentioned would be the financial support they provided my brother and I so that we can be involved in these activities. Looking back on my life, though, these activities were more than just activities to me. They defined a part of who I am today. They taught me to be a team player and forced me to get along with people that I normally may not get along with. They challenged me. They made me learn time management. They kept me disciplined.
3. Good parents allow for quality family time
I love going over to my in-laws. At least once a week, we try to get together to either chat and watch football games or to go eat dinner. This time together is always cherished by Mike and I and we always leave their house feeling refreshed and happy. Often times, my in-laws will allow us to talk about any issues that may have arisen in the last week or so and offer any advice that is needed. For example, when Mike and I got engaged, the first task we set out to accomplish for our marriage class assignment was to make a budget. This turned out to be frustrating (and a little scary) for us as we tried to figure out how to make two very different lives into one life. We took a 30 minute break (and said a prayer) and came back to it- this time, with his father as a mentor. We were able to finish a budget that both of us felt good about and felt that we could stick to. When I still lived at home, my parents would plan one night a week to do family home evening. Sometimes it would be to go over a specific lesson my parents wanted to teach. Sometimes it was to discuss/plan a family vacation. Sometimes it was for fun and we would go down to the beach or go out for a movie night. That time as a family became a time when we could bond.
4. Good parents allow their children to make their own mistakes
This is probably one of the most important things that both Mike and I agree that our parents did for us. I am sure there were many times my parents wanted to say "Don't date him!" or "No, you don't want to do that." The important thing was that they didn't. They let me make my decisions and they supported me through those decisions. They offered advice when I needed it and they were always there to pick me up when I realized I had made the wrong decision. They understood the importance of learning your own lessons. I am grateful for their strength in teaching this to me as it has made me a stronger person today. They taught me the lessons I needed when I was young and as I grew older, they let me figure out how to apply those lessons to my life.
I am sure there are many more attributes that "good parents" have. These were just a few of them that Mike and I have talked about. We also realized that these were things we needed to show in our marriage- patience, supporting each other, spending time together, and allowing each other to make mistakes. So to our parents- Tim and Yuka Burton and Peter and Terry Ellis- we would like to say a big THANK YOU! Thank you for being there for us and for supporting us as we begin our life together. We are thankful for you.
